What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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