im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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