I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
