Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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