ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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