I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
