I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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