4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
