Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if only i could text you this smell
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
