doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
