the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
