alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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