Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
