we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hippo gnu deer
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
