The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
