I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
