just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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