This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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