i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
thus making me awesome and them whores
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
