Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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