Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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