just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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