YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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