I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
