Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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