Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
