exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
