so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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