have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
