i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
