i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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