somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
