Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
