why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
