if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
