You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
