I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
