all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
