one might say we're banned from that church
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
