I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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