He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
