chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
