No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
