There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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