She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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