we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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