Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
