I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
