my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
