Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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