She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
