nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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