Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
