Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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