so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
