You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
